A few months ago we were challenged by our Pastor to share our lives testimony in three minutes or less. The prayer was to share our story and impact others through the journey we had each been on.
Though I had been doing it on a daily basis with individuals it took on a new life as I carefully crafted what God wanted me to share. You see, the devil had been after me since I was three years old and I spent most of my life pretending nothing was wrong. I had the world convinced but the world within me was crushed.
My life took so many twists and turns that there really was no real place to start. How do you bring someone in on a roller coaster ride that's already started? But that's just what God did. 12 years ago He stepped into my roller coaster and changed the course of my life. Not only did He free me from a past but prepared me for a future with a strength I had never known.
Two years after becoming a Christian my husband and I experienced the biggest blow yet. The difference this time was that the wind was knocked out of me but not the life! I knew the promises over my life and this was most definitely not the end! When I couldn't breath He breathed life into me! As I peel back all the layers.... I see the impact each layer has to those around me and the freedom in knowing they are not alone. And sometimes knowing that you are not alone is all that it takes.
So today I freely share my "Three minute Testimony" and the intro goes something like this:
"Hi, my name is Bonnie and I'm a grateful believer in Jesus Christ. I am a survivor abuse, 12 years sober of chemical dependency and recovering from food addiction."
Of all the amazing and wonderful things we plan to do, say and risk in our lives
this has been the most impactful in mine. Shedding light into what the enemy had wanted
to keep in the dark and claiming freedom from a past that has
nothing to do with my future.
What layer are you working on?
Genesis 50:20
You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.
Abundance... The journey thru In Vitro Fertilization
My husband and I have beautiful 6-year-old triplets. They are
one of the biggest joys of our lives. A true gift that we praise God for and
thank Him on a daily basis. From afar the picture looks so complete. A great
marriage, 3 kids, 1 dog, a house and fulfilling careers in ministry but make no
mistake there were blind faith walks that got us here.
When we decided it was time to have children we had been
married for 1 year and dating for 5 years. So we felt comfortable walking into
this next phase of our lives. I had a great up-and-coming career at a large
entertainment studio, he was teaching and an actor in Hollywood. How fun it was
going to be!! We did all the responsible things and off we went. By sheer
happenstance we quickly realized that this dream was not going to happen on its
own. Due to health issues that arose we found ourselves in a very dark and
heartbroken place. (details to follow in a future blog)
We had been Christians for 5 years and living our lives
fully for God’s leading and yet the enemy seemed to be trying to tie us to the
sins of our past. After a lot of praying, searching, education and tears we
knew that we knew God’s promise for our lives.
Isaiah 54: 1-3
Sing, O childless woman, you who have never given birth. Break into loud and joyful
song, O Jerusalem you who have never been in labor. For the desolate woman now has more children than the woman who lives with her husband, says the Lord.Enlarge your house; build an addition.
Spread out your home, and spare no expense! For you will soon be bursting at the seams. Your descendants will occupy other nations and resettle the ruined cities.
Now choosing IVF was not an easy and quick decision and many
factors play into this decision. For us, we felt like the answer was “go”.
During this journey we had three “rounds” of ivf. The way it works is that they
manipulate your body to “over ovulate” in order to work with the most viable
eggs produced. The first two rounds proved to be successful and fruitful but
unfortunately both of these resulted in later miscarriages. A devastating loss
but through it we knew that we knew the promise for us. The third “round” we
knew would be our last…at least for a while. We were financially depleted and
emotionally weary.
We started the argyrous journey of doctors visits, tests,
injections, tests, doctors visits all covered in prayer and belief. Two days
before the actual procedure my Doctor called. He was a kind and compassionate
man and wanted to let me know that this round had not produced the amount of
eggs they would have hoped for. He suggested we stop the process, give my body
a break and start over in a few months. I was speechless. The first round had
produced 13 eggs and the second round 11 and this round was barely holding on
to 6. This was not the direction I was promised!! I did what I knew to do….I
fell on my knee’s and prayed! I cried out to our heavenly Father and asked him
for direction. I cried from a deep sense of sorrow and told him that I would
follow regardless of how I felt because I trusted His ultimate answer and
believed His promise to us.
While I was praying I heard a quiet prompting question…. “Do
you only trust me in abundance? Who do you think I AM?” I knew instantly what
my answer was. I called my husband and told him the entire story. I told him
that our God does not have limits and that I trusted with little and knew he
did not need more of anything to respond. So we agreed to continue and that
whatever the answer was we would feel like we had been obedient and would give
God the following year to speak to us.
We flew to New York and went through with the round. We
explained to our Doctor that we had resolved to believe His ultimate answer for
us and were at peace but needed to be obedient with what was in our hands.
After all, all you need is a mustard seed. Needless to say that on this round
we fell pregnant again! Now the journey to get through the first trimester
without another loss, but this time was different and we knew it!
Here we are 7 years later with our 6 year-old TRIPLETS that
sprung from a place of “little” into a house full of abundance!!! God needs
nothing to bless you but your faith and obedience. Abundance does not enlarge
any “chances” because He is after all the Creator of it all. So even when it
seems like you have less than required, when your faith is weak, when your walk
is slow and when your prayer is a whisper…He still hears and abundance comes
from Him alone!
Isaiah 54:13
I will teach all your children,
and they will enjoy great peace.
The weight of the world!
I’m sure you have all heard the phrase of “carrying the weight of the world” and perhaps even felt like that a few times. I was recently having a conversation with someone and they used this phrase. It stuck out to me for several reasons.
1. The weight that we each carry differs in intensity but it’s never the “weight of the world” on our shoulders….just the weight of our world. Funny how we go through our own struggles and believe it to be the most difficult thing being carried out on the planet earth! Why do we dramatize it more than we need to?
2. Weight varies depending on your scale. Some stumbling blocks on my journey can be devastating to me but just a mere bump on the road to others and vise versa. Depending on how much work you have put into the “stabilizer” of your life will determine the outcome of the heaviness felt. So what scale are we measuring on?
3. You always have the choice to drop the weight. Most of the stuff I have carried around has been (if I’m truly honest and raw) by choice. Some of it I understand we carry because we are unaware of it but most of the pressure comes from the one we actually chose to continually carry even when we do become aware of it. Who said you had to carry it?
Now I don’t mean to minimize our responsibilities but I wonder if we pressure ourselves to carry what is not ours out of a sense of guilt. Perhaps we had a part that we played in creating the problem, maybe we didn’t act and therefore still feel responsible to the situations outcome, are we ashamed of what has transpired and our role in it, do we not trust God with it?
These are all just questions I asked myself. For years I carried the weight of the abandonment of my dad. I felt like I had to be all things to all people to account for his void. I pressured myself to be more present for my mother and brother and to sooth things for the family. It left me bitter, resentful and just plain tired. Until one day I threw it at the foot of Jesus… and yes, I threw it! I was so tired of carrying it that I just tossed it one day full of tears. That was the day that I realized that my heavenly father had never asked me to carry this load nor was it mine to carry. I chose to pick it up and try to fill a spot that I was never made to fit into.
Later in my journey I found I was carrying around a physical weight. A weight that masked (very badly may I say) my feelings of unworthiness of places and positions God himself had appointed me to.
Hebrews 12:1 says: “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.”
Is holding the “weight of your world” more important than running your race? How far will you get if you’re slowed by distractions that were not meant for your eyes? How the enemy likes to deceive us and confuse us by believing we are demi-Gods to solve what is not in our power to solve!
This weight is nothing but a distraction!! The devil is so scared by what God has empowered you to do that he sends distractions on the journey to keep you from the finish line. The “weight” is mean to slow you down and tire you out before you accomplish what is yours to accomplish and what you were perfectly purposed for! Drop the weight…run…..take the speed you had lost in your life and leave he weight behind…. He’ll carry it for you!
After all, aren't we promised:
"For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:30
1. The weight that we each carry differs in intensity but it’s never the “weight of the world” on our shoulders….just the weight of our world. Funny how we go through our own struggles and believe it to be the most difficult thing being carried out on the planet earth! Why do we dramatize it more than we need to?
2. Weight varies depending on your scale. Some stumbling blocks on my journey can be devastating to me but just a mere bump on the road to others and vise versa. Depending on how much work you have put into the “stabilizer” of your life will determine the outcome of the heaviness felt. So what scale are we measuring on?
3. You always have the choice to drop the weight. Most of the stuff I have carried around has been (if I’m truly honest and raw) by choice. Some of it I understand we carry because we are unaware of it but most of the pressure comes from the one we actually chose to continually carry even when we do become aware of it. Who said you had to carry it?
Now I don’t mean to minimize our responsibilities but I wonder if we pressure ourselves to carry what is not ours out of a sense of guilt. Perhaps we had a part that we played in creating the problem, maybe we didn’t act and therefore still feel responsible to the situations outcome, are we ashamed of what has transpired and our role in it, do we not trust God with it?
These are all just questions I asked myself. For years I carried the weight of the abandonment of my dad. I felt like I had to be all things to all people to account for his void. I pressured myself to be more present for my mother and brother and to sooth things for the family. It left me bitter, resentful and just plain tired. Until one day I threw it at the foot of Jesus… and yes, I threw it! I was so tired of carrying it that I just tossed it one day full of tears. That was the day that I realized that my heavenly father had never asked me to carry this load nor was it mine to carry. I chose to pick it up and try to fill a spot that I was never made to fit into.
Later in my journey I found I was carrying around a physical weight. A weight that masked (very badly may I say) my feelings of unworthiness of places and positions God himself had appointed me to.
Hebrews 12:1 says: “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.”
Is holding the “weight of your world” more important than running your race? How far will you get if you’re slowed by distractions that were not meant for your eyes? How the enemy likes to deceive us and confuse us by believing we are demi-Gods to solve what is not in our power to solve!
This weight is nothing but a distraction!! The devil is so scared by what God has empowered you to do that he sends distractions on the journey to keep you from the finish line. The “weight” is mean to slow you down and tire you out before you accomplish what is yours to accomplish and what you were perfectly purposed for! Drop the weight…run…..take the speed you had lost in your life and leave he weight behind…. He’ll carry it for you!
After all, aren't we promised:
"For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:30
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