A few months ago we were challenged by our Pastor to share our lives testimony in three minutes or less. The prayer was to share our story and impact others through the journey we had each been on.
Though I had been doing it on a daily basis with individuals it took on a new life as I carefully crafted what God wanted me to share. You see, the devil had been after me since I was three years old and I spent most of my life pretending nothing was wrong. I had the world convinced but the world within me was crushed.
My life took so many twists and turns that there really was no real place to start. How do you bring someone in on a roller coaster ride that's already started? But that's just what God did. 12 years ago He stepped into my roller coaster and changed the course of my life. Not only did He free me from a past but prepared me for a future with a strength I had never known.
Two years after becoming a Christian my husband and I experienced the biggest blow yet. The difference this time was that the wind was knocked out of me but not the life! I knew the promises over my life and this was most definitely not the end! When I couldn't breath He breathed life into me! As I peel back all the layers.... I see the impact each layer has to those around me and the freedom in knowing they are not alone. And sometimes knowing that you are not alone is all that it takes.
So today I freely share my "Three minute Testimony" and the intro goes something like this:
"Hi, my name is Bonnie and I'm a grateful believer in Jesus Christ. I am a survivor abuse, 12 years sober of chemical dependency and recovering from food addiction."
Of all the amazing and wonderful things we plan to do, say and risk in our lives
this has been the most impactful in mine. Shedding light into what the enemy had wanted
to keep in the dark and claiming freedom from a past that has
nothing to do with my future.
What layer are you working on?
Genesis 50:20
You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.
Abundance... The journey thru In Vitro Fertilization
My husband and I have beautiful 6-year-old triplets. They are
one of the biggest joys of our lives. A true gift that we praise God for and
thank Him on a daily basis. From afar the picture looks so complete. A great
marriage, 3 kids, 1 dog, a house and fulfilling careers in ministry but make no
mistake there were blind faith walks that got us here.
When we decided it was time to have children we had been
married for 1 year and dating for 5 years. So we felt comfortable walking into
this next phase of our lives. I had a great up-and-coming career at a large
entertainment studio, he was teaching and an actor in Hollywood. How fun it was
going to be!! We did all the responsible things and off we went. By sheer
happenstance we quickly realized that this dream was not going to happen on its
own. Due to health issues that arose we found ourselves in a very dark and
heartbroken place. (details to follow in a future blog)
We had been Christians for 5 years and living our lives
fully for God’s leading and yet the enemy seemed to be trying to tie us to the
sins of our past. After a lot of praying, searching, education and tears we
knew that we knew God’s promise for our lives.
Isaiah 54: 1-3
Sing, O childless woman, you who have never given birth. Break into loud and joyful
song, O Jerusalem you who have never been in labor. For the desolate woman now has more children than the woman who lives with her husband, says the Lord.Enlarge your house; build an addition.
Spread out your home, and spare no expense! For you will soon be bursting at the seams. Your descendants will occupy other nations and resettle the ruined cities.
Now choosing IVF was not an easy and quick decision and many
factors play into this decision. For us, we felt like the answer was “go”.
During this journey we had three “rounds” of ivf. The way it works is that they
manipulate your body to “over ovulate” in order to work with the most viable
eggs produced. The first two rounds proved to be successful and fruitful but
unfortunately both of these resulted in later miscarriages. A devastating loss
but through it we knew that we knew the promise for us. The third “round” we
knew would be our last…at least for a while. We were financially depleted and
emotionally weary.
We started the argyrous journey of doctors visits, tests,
injections, tests, doctors visits all covered in prayer and belief. Two days
before the actual procedure my Doctor called. He was a kind and compassionate
man and wanted to let me know that this round had not produced the amount of
eggs they would have hoped for. He suggested we stop the process, give my body
a break and start over in a few months. I was speechless. The first round had
produced 13 eggs and the second round 11 and this round was barely holding on
to 6. This was not the direction I was promised!! I did what I knew to do….I
fell on my knee’s and prayed! I cried out to our heavenly Father and asked him
for direction. I cried from a deep sense of sorrow and told him that I would
follow regardless of how I felt because I trusted His ultimate answer and
believed His promise to us.
While I was praying I heard a quiet prompting question…. “Do
you only trust me in abundance? Who do you think I AM?” I knew instantly what
my answer was. I called my husband and told him the entire story. I told him
that our God does not have limits and that I trusted with little and knew he
did not need more of anything to respond. So we agreed to continue and that
whatever the answer was we would feel like we had been obedient and would give
God the following year to speak to us.
We flew to New York and went through with the round. We
explained to our Doctor that we had resolved to believe His ultimate answer for
us and were at peace but needed to be obedient with what was in our hands.
After all, all you need is a mustard seed. Needless to say that on this round
we fell pregnant again! Now the journey to get through the first trimester
without another loss, but this time was different and we knew it!
Here we are 7 years later with our 6 year-old TRIPLETS that
sprung from a place of “little” into a house full of abundance!!! God needs
nothing to bless you but your faith and obedience. Abundance does not enlarge
any “chances” because He is after all the Creator of it all. So even when it
seems like you have less than required, when your faith is weak, when your walk
is slow and when your prayer is a whisper…He still hears and abundance comes
from Him alone!
Isaiah 54:13
I will teach all your children,
and they will enjoy great peace.
The weight of the world!
I’m sure you have all heard the phrase of “carrying the weight of the world” and perhaps even felt like that a few times. I was recently having a conversation with someone and they used this phrase. It stuck out to me for several reasons.
1. The weight that we each carry differs in intensity but it’s never the “weight of the world” on our shoulders….just the weight of our world. Funny how we go through our own struggles and believe it to be the most difficult thing being carried out on the planet earth! Why do we dramatize it more than we need to?
2. Weight varies depending on your scale. Some stumbling blocks on my journey can be devastating to me but just a mere bump on the road to others and vise versa. Depending on how much work you have put into the “stabilizer” of your life will determine the outcome of the heaviness felt. So what scale are we measuring on?
3. You always have the choice to drop the weight. Most of the stuff I have carried around has been (if I’m truly honest and raw) by choice. Some of it I understand we carry because we are unaware of it but most of the pressure comes from the one we actually chose to continually carry even when we do become aware of it. Who said you had to carry it?
Now I don’t mean to minimize our responsibilities but I wonder if we pressure ourselves to carry what is not ours out of a sense of guilt. Perhaps we had a part that we played in creating the problem, maybe we didn’t act and therefore still feel responsible to the situations outcome, are we ashamed of what has transpired and our role in it, do we not trust God with it?
These are all just questions I asked myself. For years I carried the weight of the abandonment of my dad. I felt like I had to be all things to all people to account for his void. I pressured myself to be more present for my mother and brother and to sooth things for the family. It left me bitter, resentful and just plain tired. Until one day I threw it at the foot of Jesus… and yes, I threw it! I was so tired of carrying it that I just tossed it one day full of tears. That was the day that I realized that my heavenly father had never asked me to carry this load nor was it mine to carry. I chose to pick it up and try to fill a spot that I was never made to fit into.
Later in my journey I found I was carrying around a physical weight. A weight that masked (very badly may I say) my feelings of unworthiness of places and positions God himself had appointed me to.
Hebrews 12:1 says: “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.”
Is holding the “weight of your world” more important than running your race? How far will you get if you’re slowed by distractions that were not meant for your eyes? How the enemy likes to deceive us and confuse us by believing we are demi-Gods to solve what is not in our power to solve!
This weight is nothing but a distraction!! The devil is so scared by what God has empowered you to do that he sends distractions on the journey to keep you from the finish line. The “weight” is mean to slow you down and tire you out before you accomplish what is yours to accomplish and what you were perfectly purposed for! Drop the weight…run…..take the speed you had lost in your life and leave he weight behind…. He’ll carry it for you!
After all, aren't we promised:
"For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:30
1. The weight that we each carry differs in intensity but it’s never the “weight of the world” on our shoulders….just the weight of our world. Funny how we go through our own struggles and believe it to be the most difficult thing being carried out on the planet earth! Why do we dramatize it more than we need to?
2. Weight varies depending on your scale. Some stumbling blocks on my journey can be devastating to me but just a mere bump on the road to others and vise versa. Depending on how much work you have put into the “stabilizer” of your life will determine the outcome of the heaviness felt. So what scale are we measuring on?
3. You always have the choice to drop the weight. Most of the stuff I have carried around has been (if I’m truly honest and raw) by choice. Some of it I understand we carry because we are unaware of it but most of the pressure comes from the one we actually chose to continually carry even when we do become aware of it. Who said you had to carry it?
Now I don’t mean to minimize our responsibilities but I wonder if we pressure ourselves to carry what is not ours out of a sense of guilt. Perhaps we had a part that we played in creating the problem, maybe we didn’t act and therefore still feel responsible to the situations outcome, are we ashamed of what has transpired and our role in it, do we not trust God with it?
These are all just questions I asked myself. For years I carried the weight of the abandonment of my dad. I felt like I had to be all things to all people to account for his void. I pressured myself to be more present for my mother and brother and to sooth things for the family. It left me bitter, resentful and just plain tired. Until one day I threw it at the foot of Jesus… and yes, I threw it! I was so tired of carrying it that I just tossed it one day full of tears. That was the day that I realized that my heavenly father had never asked me to carry this load nor was it mine to carry. I chose to pick it up and try to fill a spot that I was never made to fit into.
Later in my journey I found I was carrying around a physical weight. A weight that masked (very badly may I say) my feelings of unworthiness of places and positions God himself had appointed me to.
Hebrews 12:1 says: “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.”
Is holding the “weight of your world” more important than running your race? How far will you get if you’re slowed by distractions that were not meant for your eyes? How the enemy likes to deceive us and confuse us by believing we are demi-Gods to solve what is not in our power to solve!
This weight is nothing but a distraction!! The devil is so scared by what God has empowered you to do that he sends distractions on the journey to keep you from the finish line. The “weight” is mean to slow you down and tire you out before you accomplish what is yours to accomplish and what you were perfectly purposed for! Drop the weight…run…..take the speed you had lost in your life and leave he weight behind…. He’ll carry it for you!
After all, aren't we promised:
"For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:30
To prepare or not to prepare???
Have you ever had one of those days where you slept in a little too long, took a little too much time picking an outfit, forgot you needed gas, took the wrong freeway, needed to stop at the atm, forgot something & had to go back and my personal favorite....forgot to put on your shoes!??? Well, it happens to the best of us.... or shall I say the unprepared of us.
As a wife, mom, employee, daughter, friend ....I have plenty on my plate. My day goes like this:
5:00am - first alarm; 5:05am - second alarm; 5:15am - last alarm!!
5-6am - time with God & coffee
6-630am - get dressed
630-7am - pack lunches for triplets & make breakfast
7-730am - encourage (help) triplets get dressed, brush hair/teeth
730am-8am - breakfast, pray with kids, practice memory verse
810am- drop kids off at school
815am- drive to work and start my real day!
Tired? me too!!! And that's just the first 3 hours of my day! What you don't see is that the night before I have laid out ironed uniforms, signed notes, packed back packs, pre-set lunch options and prepared dinner for next day. Even God prepared us:
Ephesians 2:10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
Yeah, it's a lot but lets think about it. When you fail to prepare yourself then how will you ever be ready? When I'm busy ironing uniforms the night before I know that this is setting me up for the journey of tomorrow. It may only win me a few minutes but it gives me those extra minutes to talk to a friend, to be a listening ear, to prepare for that meeting, to take extra time to pray, to call a loved one, to solve a problem, to just be in the moment and allow that "tug" of the holy spirit into my life! We pray for ears to hear and eyes to see but if we're busy rushing from one place to the next..... how will you see? Will it just be a blurred vision as you rush on by? Proverbs 31:27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Preparing today for tomorrow may just buy you that extra few minutes that may just change your life.....and I don't want to be late for that appointment!
Now... go set your clocks!!!! Set three if you have to...I do!
Matthew 25:13
Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour.
As a wife, mom, employee, daughter, friend ....I have plenty on my plate. My day goes like this:
5:00am - first alarm; 5:05am - second alarm; 5:15am - last alarm!!
5-6am - time with God & coffee
6-630am - get dressed
630-7am - pack lunches for triplets & make breakfast
7-730am - encourage (help) triplets get dressed, brush hair/teeth
730am-8am - breakfast, pray with kids, practice memory verse
810am- drop kids off at school
815am- drive to work and start my real day!
Tired? me too!!! And that's just the first 3 hours of my day! What you don't see is that the night before I have laid out ironed uniforms, signed notes, packed back packs, pre-set lunch options and prepared dinner for next day. Even God prepared us:
Ephesians 2:10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
Yeah, it's a lot but lets think about it. When you fail to prepare yourself then how will you ever be ready? When I'm busy ironing uniforms the night before I know that this is setting me up for the journey of tomorrow. It may only win me a few minutes but it gives me those extra minutes to talk to a friend, to be a listening ear, to prepare for that meeting, to take extra time to pray, to call a loved one, to solve a problem, to just be in the moment and allow that "tug" of the holy spirit into my life! We pray for ears to hear and eyes to see but if we're busy rushing from one place to the next..... how will you see? Will it just be a blurred vision as you rush on by? Proverbs 31:27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Preparing today for tomorrow may just buy you that extra few minutes that may just change your life.....and I don't want to be late for that appointment!
Now... go set your clocks!!!! Set three if you have to...I do!
Matthew 25:13
Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour.
Back pain
For the last 6 months I have been experiencing a severe back pain. The kind that you think you pulled something so you go for adjustments and countless massages and it keeps creeping back. I finally got so sick of it I went to the Dr and of course his solution was medication. Um, excuse me...I've been clean for 11 years and would like option #2 please! So I insisted on an XRay and he found a beginning case of early Arthritis and suggested steroid shots. Great! No thank you....let me fall flat on my face and ask for healing!
So here I have been for 6 months. Either flat on my face believing in a healing or flat on my back from pain. Today I finally got the revelation that through this God was speaking to me again....shock, I know!!!
I've been praying for a refreshed FAITH recently. Not that I've lost it but I want the flames to be fanned and for it to be burning hot in my life. Well, this morning I felt God telling me..... GET OFF YOUR BACK GIRL AND GO! Perhaps not the healing I was praying for but definitely a direction!! Yes, my back hurts but what do I gain from laying around here and what is it stopping me from doing? No longer gonna lay on my back but be on MY FACE or on my feet....walking towards that purpose! Walking in healing and with that refreshed faith that I am healed! The faith that I can walk past the pain and into the passion of life He has created for me!
Scripture to lean on:
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
So here I have been for 6 months. Either flat on my face believing in a healing or flat on my back from pain. Today I finally got the revelation that through this God was speaking to me again....shock, I know!!!
I've been praying for a refreshed FAITH recently. Not that I've lost it but I want the flames to be fanned and for it to be burning hot in my life. Well, this morning I felt God telling me..... GET OFF YOUR BACK GIRL AND GO! Perhaps not the healing I was praying for but definitely a direction!! Yes, my back hurts but what do I gain from laying around here and what is it stopping me from doing? No longer gonna lay on my back but be on MY FACE or on my feet....walking towards that purpose! Walking in healing and with that refreshed faith that I am healed! The faith that I can walk past the pain and into the passion of life He has created for me!
Scripture to lean on:
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
Façades
Growing up in my culture and time it was always important to keep up appearances. Even if you or your family was having a bad day it was your family responsibility to put on a good face. Façades of life...something I learned to carry on regardless of the pain I was in.
As a young adult my pendulum swung the complete opposite way. If I liked you then you knew it and if I didn't then you knew it too! Not much for tact, grace or manners. I felt as if I had not time to play "pretend" anymore as my childhood was spent in this way. Soon I realized this too was not serving me well. I had very few friends and felt like I was placing my hurt on others.
Now I live my life as if in a glass house. You do get what you see and there are no hidden intentions or agendas. I live my life for others to see that there is hope in Christ. That regardless of your past you can live through it and not just survive with a facade but live a full life. Walk through the rooms of my life and witness the miracles I have seen! Feel free to touch the doors, sit on the furniture and have a cup of coffee. If you have a minute I can tell you my story, my miracles and about God's love.
PS... I don't have decaf! (wink)
As a young adult my pendulum swung the complete opposite way. If I liked you then you knew it and if I didn't then you knew it too! Not much for tact, grace or manners. I felt as if I had not time to play "pretend" anymore as my childhood was spent in this way. Soon I realized this too was not serving me well. I had very few friends and felt like I was placing my hurt on others.
Now I live my life as if in a glass house. You do get what you see and there are no hidden intentions or agendas. I live my life for others to see that there is hope in Christ. That regardless of your past you can live through it and not just survive with a facade but live a full life. Walk through the rooms of my life and witness the miracles I have seen! Feel free to touch the doors, sit on the furniture and have a cup of coffee. If you have a minute I can tell you my story, my miracles and about God's love.
PS... I don't have decaf! (wink)
How do you think?
"The difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is how they think." -John Maxwel
How do I think? I believe this has a lot of power and our chosen capacity. People always ask me how I do it. Full time job, wife, mom to 5 year old triplets, graduate student, friend, mentor, sister etc. Reality is that I wouldn't give any of these hats up. I prayed for every single one of them and to now turn around and say "I can't do it all" or "It's too much" what would that mean? Every single one of these roles fills me, inspires me and allows me to walk in my purpose. It's so easy to stand on a prayer:
"God bless me with a job, bless me with a loving husband, bless me with a family, bless me with great friends, bless me with purpose!!!"
Does any of that prayer sound familiar? Perhaps because it is a prayer we all pray at times. To now look at my life and let it overwhelm me would be thankless for the beautiful blessings I was on my knees for.
This world likes to make us forget that our blessings can become burdens and hold you back. I would like to remind you of the opposite....they are your miracles! It's all in the power of how you think...so think again my dear friend!
Scriptures to lean on:
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
How do I think? I believe this has a lot of power and our chosen capacity. People always ask me how I do it. Full time job, wife, mom to 5 year old triplets, graduate student, friend, mentor, sister etc. Reality is that I wouldn't give any of these hats up. I prayed for every single one of them and to now turn around and say "I can't do it all" or "It's too much" what would that mean? Every single one of these roles fills me, inspires me and allows me to walk in my purpose. It's so easy to stand on a prayer:
"God bless me with a job, bless me with a loving husband, bless me with a family, bless me with great friends, bless me with purpose!!!"
Does any of that prayer sound familiar? Perhaps because it is a prayer we all pray at times. To now look at my life and let it overwhelm me would be thankless for the beautiful blessings I was on my knees for.
This world likes to make us forget that our blessings can become burdens and hold you back. I would like to remind you of the opposite....they are your miracles! It's all in the power of how you think...so think again my dear friend!
Scriptures to lean on:
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
The sun is up SOMEWHERE!!
Sometimes we find ourselves going through difficult times and feel forgotten by God and struggle to hear Him in our lives. I would like to encourage you.
The sun may be down on your side of the world but guess what??? It's up somewhere in the world!!
The great thing is that they have discovered that the earth rotates....that the earth is round.....and soon it will be our turn to be in the sun....so hold on because Gods moving you and the sunrise is coming!
I guarantee you that this the moment it does, it will take your breath away!
Scripture to lean on:
Romans 8:24-25 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
The sun may be down on your side of the world but guess what??? It's up somewhere in the world!!
The great thing is that they have discovered that the earth rotates....that the earth is round.....and soon it will be our turn to be in the sun....so hold on because Gods moving you and the sunrise is coming!
I guarantee you that this the moment it does, it will take your breath away!
Scripture to lean on:
Romans 8:24-25 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
Fathers
"Your earthly father may have failed you but your heavenly father will never leave you & He will fill the void." -Philip Wagner www.philipwagner.com
I had never heard a more healing statement. This was a man, my Pastor asking for forgiveness for the offenses another earthly man had committed in my life. This was a man standing in a gap that perhaps my own dad would not be able to stand upon in his lifetime. Not only did he allow me to begin to let go of the pain and sadness but he did a great favor to my earthly dad. The one that hurt me the most, the one I continue to pray for, the one that God cries for......as a lost son.
What my Pastor did was stand is gap that my earthly father has not been able stand in...on his own and perhaps one day my dad will start a relationship with God. There he will find forgiveness. Forgiveness that I have already granted in my own heart because of this man, this Pastor. And when he does, if he gets to meet my Pastor ...he can thank his brother for standing in that gap for him.
I now challenge myself...to stand in someone else's gap.
I had never heard a more healing statement. This was a man, my Pastor asking for forgiveness for the offenses another earthly man had committed in my life. This was a man standing in a gap that perhaps my own dad would not be able to stand upon in his lifetime. Not only did he allow me to begin to let go of the pain and sadness but he did a great favor to my earthly dad. The one that hurt me the most, the one I continue to pray for, the one that God cries for......as a lost son.
What my Pastor did was stand is gap that my earthly father has not been able stand in...on his own and perhaps one day my dad will start a relationship with God. There he will find forgiveness. Forgiveness that I have already granted in my own heart because of this man, this Pastor. And when he does, if he gets to meet my Pastor ...he can thank his brother for standing in that gap for him.
I now challenge myself...to stand in someone else's gap.
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